I have found that there is not one plan or perfect program that fits all situations of loss. Part of that is due to the multitude of ways we can experience loss and the other part is due to what we are dealing with at that time.
Loss demands to be looked at when it happens and we would like to look at anything else.
Its painful, its confusing leaving us with more questions than answers, it fills us with anger, rage and hate sometimes all at once. Loss can result in feeling like we just need to create as much distance as possible from what reminds us of it. Loss can fill us with a drive to fix it even though we know that we can’t, because we are not ready to quite.
I can say that when I have lost people I have experienced all these things and probably more (I can’t seem to tap into the correct words to write at the moment). I have experienced the shock, disbelief, and immense sorrow upon learning the news that someone I know and care about has taken their life. I have been flooded with all kinds of emotions upon learning that we would never get to meet the babies. I remember how painful it was to hear that a classmate of mine passed away when I was 19 and wrestle with it now at 39.
If we could eliminate it from the human condition I think we would all agree to have it removed.
What have I done when I faced loss? I tried to lose myself in music, stared into nothing as my mind wanted to process, felt numb, got angry, wept, and desperately wanted to go back to what I thought was normal. Now, on this side of the experiences I can say that maybe there is no such thing as normal. Change, loss, adjustment, renewal, and shifts all happen in life. Nothing ever stays exactly the same.
The other thing that I learned was that through it all, even when I felt alone in my grief, I was never completely alone. God was there through it all. God took my anger when I lashed out. God held me when I felt like I was broken into a million pieces. God assured me that even though I could not see it there was going to be a tomorrow and that God would be with me there too!
If you are going through a time of loss right now or some kind of loss from the past has resurfaced that you thought you had overcome I want you to know that I am praying for you. I also want you to know that God is there with you right now. You will make it. You are not alone.